|My dad, my mother, Me (to the left) and my sister (right).|
R.I.P Daniel Paul Berg
You were a loving father
|My dad April 13th. Pushing my niece on the swing.|
I didn't know what to do. Financially my family could not afford even cremation. Todd had an idea that I call his brother in law because he used to work for a funeral home. I called and his brother in law told me that I needed to talk to my priest and see how she can help. Then I needed to get a small chain funeral home that would not mark up the prices. The next morning I talked to my priest not knowing what she could even do. She told me that the church could pay for his cremation because they had memorial fund for such crises. I was blown away. I have only been at this church a few months, was not even a member yet, and they have never met my father. I'm still very appreciative and grateful of everyone and everything that helped during this hard time. After the viewing and cremation I tried to set up a memorial service with my church. At first my priest told me that we would probably have to have a basic service (no flower, no organ music, no reception). I couldn't feel right with that. I wanted the memorial to have all of those things. I wanted something that fully celebrated my dads life. I set up a fundraiser at gofundme.com/danielbergfund. I was able to raise all that I needed in 1 week! Some family from out of town came, my aunt, a few of my friends from school, kids I grew up with, and some members of my church. Some family that I really wanted to show up did not go.
I don't want to get into all of the drama of my family on this blog but lets just say that right now not only am I grieving the loss of my dad but also the fact that my family will never be who I want them to be. My dads death has really made me re-examine my life. I'm learning to be more honest with myself and i'm trying to let go of fear and shame. I'm trying to stop feeling as if I have to "fix" or be the "fixer". I can't control someone else's reaction only my own. I'm trying to set boundaries and keep setting goals for myself so I don't go into my old pattern of self sabotage. I'm learning what healthy detachment is probably for the first time. I no longer want fear to limit my options in life.
Here is some of my current goal list and things I want to work on. Some long term and some short.
- Behavioral health therapy
- Writing my thoughts in a journal
- Becoming a blogger once again
- Couch to 5k program
- Run another 5k
- Run a 10k
- Be more active in my church (volunteering)
- Health (Doctor checkup/Dental)
- Saving $$ and budgeting
- Appreciation/ Gratitude
- Support for my eating disorder, children of hoarders (online or in person group)